How I Psyched Myself Out

Last night around 3 o’clock in the morning I woke up from an awesome dream that I was having. I don’t remember much of the dream, but I remember being at someone’s party and having cage fights in the bounce house (WHICH WAS EPIC!) Anyway sometime during my bounce house fight I suddenly woken up to a dark bedroom where I sleep every night.

Naturally, I rolled over to look at what time it was. 3:12. “Why do I always do this?” I thought. “I always wake up once or twice during the night. I cannot wait for the day where I sleep ALL night and get rudely awaken by an alarm clock.” So, like always I roll back over to go back to sleep.

Then it happens, the thing that my friend who lived in the house before me had warned me about. There was a creek in the walls. “It’s nothing,” I thought. Then, almost as if the house was taunting me, it creaked again. I tried to rationalize why the house was creaking, “It’s because the house is slanted.” “It’s because the house is old.” “It’s because there is a storm outside.” “It’s because…It’s because…It’s because.” Then it hit me. “Did I lock the front door?” I thought I did, but now since I was hearing things left and right I wasn’t so sure.

I look up to see if I could see any light under the door, and I thought I saw a moving white light in the hall way. I lay back down paralyzed with fear. “How could I be so stupid? Forgetting to lock the door.”  I told myself, I was going to be alright if I just stayed in my room, which wouldn’t have been too difficult because my brain was going 100 mph and I couldn’t and did want to move. “Maybe it’s a ghost,” i told myself trying to calm myself down. “Yes, it’s just Casper having a little bit of play time in the house.” Creek. “Nope. Not a friendly ghost like Casper. Probably just a demon that is trying to possess me.” Immediately chills filled my body from the feet up to my shoulders, but not near my heart or my head. “He’s trying to possess me! I don’t like it Jesus. I don’t like it.” (I am telling you I have one crazy of an imagination). I started saying the Lord’s Prayer, Apostle’s Creed, memorized scripture verses, everything that I thought would helped, and it somewhat did. I started thinking again and was able to move my toes.

“Ok, I am not going to get back to sleep without knowing what’s going on outside that door.” I keep a baseball bat right next to my bed for instances such as these. “Whoever or whatever, is in my house they will have a very bad night because I am P.O.ed now.” I remove the rubber band that was holding a sock over my bat to protect it from nicks while it was in the trunk of my car for the past year. I didn’t want the sock to mess with my grip of the bat or the impact to the head that I was going to blow to what was outside my bedroom door.

I got out of bed and slowly walked to the door so that I wouldn’t trip or make any noise and ruin my element of surprise. I open the door. Nothing. “Ok. So far so good.” I proceeded by looking down the stairs, in the bathroom and in the other three bedrooms all of which were empty. “No one would want to be up here because there is nothing to steal. Everything upstairs is in my bedroom.” I looked down the stairs again. The dark and motionless staircase. I turned on the lights to the stairs because if there was someone down there the light would cause them to run and make commotion and I would know to immediately call the cops and I would also have a clear view of the front door to ensure that it was locked. The light at the bottom of the stairs always flickers on like something out of a horror film. Silence.

“Maybe I just scared them and they are petrified with fear.” So I proceeded down the stairs to take a look. My laptop was still where I left it and my guitar, two of my most valuable items in the entire house (after all, I am just a broke college kid). The next place to look through and examine was the kitchen. I turned on the kitchen light. Everything was exactly the way I had left it. “Well that’s disappointing. Now I know I am just crazy.” I double checked the garage door to ensure that it was locked. “I was looking forward to an epic tale of someone breaking in and I protected the castle!” I open the refrigerator, grabbed the milk and drank what was left in the carton. With the baseball bat in hand I proceeded back up the stairs turning off all the lights. “This is all my friend’s fault,” I thought. “If she didn’t mention a guy with an axe and pig mask when we were skyping the night before during her the video tour of the house I would not be so crazy.”

I placed the baseball bat next to my bed as I crawled back into it. It was finally time to go back to sleep. Yet, still another creek from the house. Then it occurred to me. “I never checked the basement.”


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